Cocooning

Like a Caterpillar who is slow, and somewhat ugly, I Cocooned for 2 years, in a dark space, waiting for the right timing to be released and become a Butterfly.
I had struggled some of my adult years with Depression, but in 2015 it became suffocating and unbearable.  For 2 years straight, I did not feel peace, or hope.
  I wrestled with trusting that this could be God's will for me for the rest of my life.
I was a faithful Woman in the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  I did good to others.  I was striving to be a good Mother and wife.

But I had so much sorrow inside of me and it poured out of me every day.  Every day, when I'd gotten the kids off to school,  I would let myself FEEL the sadness, I had learned that feeling is healing..  I would fall to the floor and let out haunting sobs and groans.  The emotional pain I felt was excruciating. Strangely though, I felt closer to God when I let out all my pain vocally.
I felt weak.  I would shake when I'd get up.  A lot of times, I couldn't get out of bed.   I would get this strange surge of heat going up my back.  It felt like FEAR just creeping up my body.  I would go into disassociation where I would check out of reality because it was too difficult for my body to sustain the pain every minute.   I would just be numb in front of my family.   I literally felt like I was in HELL.
 I felt awful that I wasn't able to take care of my children or feel any happiness for any reason--nothing  at all.
Despite many priesthood blessings, medications, and self development work I was doing, I didn't feel like anything was working, in fact, I got worse.
We had just moved into a new home, and I was having suicidal thoughts.  I thought, "Why would I want to live when  I was working so hard everyday  and God is not helping me get better?"

It was then that I had to make a choice.  End my life, or stay hopeful that someday I'd be relieved.

Deep down, I felt a conviction that Heavenly Father gave this to me for a purpose and that there HAD to be a way out.    I DID have enough faith in Him!  And instead of ruminating on thoughts of death,  I began changing my thoughts to thoughts of LIFE--what I
 WANTED-- what I looked forward to--that there was a greater plan and purpose for me.

It was extremely difficult, and for 1 whole year, I tackled changing the negative thoughts that would come.  I wrote them down.  When the thought came, "Your family will be better off without you,", I'd counter it with 2 TRUTH thoughts, even though I didn't FEEL them being true.  I'd say "My family LOVES me and NEEDS me."
The negative thoughts came every few minutes. So by the end of the day I was exhausted emotionally.  In the morning, I'd groan to have to go through another day of working with the thoughts.  I would look at the clock all day, wishing and longing for 8pm to come so that I could put my kids to bed and end this torment by going to sleep.

I had no appetite and I'd go by the mirror and see this sickly woman in the mirror, who was 30 pounds thinner than I am today.    And I would look in my sad eyes and  say to myself, " I LOVE YOU, STEPHANIE.  I TRUST God's will for me. I am getting stronger and stronger everyday.  And There is a DIVINE purpose for this."


There were small miracles that began happening.  I would always fear that my husband would get tired of me and this illness and just give up on me.  So every night he'd hold me, look me in my eyes, and tell me that he only had Love for me.  "LOVE ONLY", he'd say.  That would douse me with peace for a few minutes and some HOPE.
My Mom and another 2 of my friends each took a day out of the week, and came over to help with chores.  They brightened my day so I could get through the rest of the week.
My sweet 15 year old son would come home from school and everyday, he'd come over to me and hug me and say, "Mom, you're a good Mom."

Every day, I studied the 12 step program of the church.  It is a SPIRITUAL Journey about coming to Christ and waiting patiently for Him to Deliver me from this bondage.
And I WROTE in my journal everyday.  I would write about my fears and anger and sadness, but I'd rip those ones up, and then I would write of the truths that I knew, and all that I was grateful for. 

I learned how to submit to HIS WILL through studying the Book of Mormon.  I learned how I could have PEACE and JOY even though I was suffering.

They That Wait Upon The Lord, Shall Renew Their Strength, They Shall Mount Up with Wings of Eagles, They Shall Run and Not Be Weary Walk Faint.

Like a Butterfly, I awaited my TRANSFORMATION, daily, slowly.
  I talked to 3 different mentors every week.  It seemed like everyday, I called someone to help me get through the day. They helped me know that the Lord would not let me fail.  My dear friend would constantly remind me that the Lord was just destroying the OLD SELF, and REBUILDING the NEW ONE.   I found, through all of my searching for things that would help that  Sometimes we are too busy searching for the CURE, that we miss the HEALING.

My favorite scripture that I had memorized was in Isaiah:

They That Wait Upon The Lord, Shall Renew Their Strength, They Shall Mount Up with Wings of Eagles, They Shall Run and Not Be Weary Walk Faint.

Our Theme is "Healing in His Wings"  Christ is our Wings that frees us


2 years later, almost exactly, I began feeling better and within 2 weeks, I felt completely healed from the darkness.  It was as if my Cocoon cracked, and I became free and released from the darkness. 
I truly felt like my heart has been cleansed and my soul is  WHOLE !  I didn't have one ounce of darkness in my mind.
 Everyone asked what new medication I had gone on or what new therapy I had done, and I would look them in the eyes and respond, "It  wasn't medication, or therapy, it was the Master Healer, Jesus Christ!"
I am here to testify that Jesus Christ's Atonement CAN HEAL us here on this earth.  Not just in the heaven!    In the Bible Jesus frequently healed people instantly. Though I believe that can happen, That has not been my experience  and other's challenges I have seen on this earth.   He expects that we work HARD, wait patiently, and submit to His timing in the process.
But just like a Caterpillar is freed and made beautiful by transforming into wings of a Butterfly, we too can touch Jesus' Healing Wings and be healed from our darkness into LIGHT.

Eat the Bread of Life, Drink His Living Water,  As you LEAN on Him for Strength, you will find that you can STAND.  He'll wash away the SHAME, and PURIFY your HEART and it will NEVER be the SAME.




I

"He is A God of Miracles"

A Journey of Patience and Faith and Miracles!

My boys are about ages 6 and 8.  6 years of  infertility, I am curious and anxious to know what we need to do to become pregnant.  We had done some Fertility drugs and procedures in 2007, with no success.  We knew we had another or two more children to bring into our home.  

Jason has the gift of being able to hear the word of the Lord when he gives Priesthood Blessings.  He gave me a blessing March of 2008 that stated I have healed a lot of things internally for my body to conceive and have the children I need to have.  But Heavenly Father didn't give me specifics on HOW to do it, fertility Drs.?  Natural herbs?

A few days later I found myself doing initiatories and listened to the words.  The blessings are poignant in restoring the body to its full measure of its creation.  In Genesis 1:28, it says, " And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth".  I can be blessed to have a FERTILE body by the Lord's promises!

A week later, I went to a Christ-centered energy worker.  She taught me that eating berries everyday and avocados and Red foods helps with fertility. I eat berries almost everyday to this very day.  She also cleared energy in my ovary's (which was related to a past sexual abuse).

On March 30, 2008, Jason and I sat in the Celestial Room of the St. George Temple and had an amazing spiritual vision.  We saw 3 chairs, empty, in front of us.  Jason said, "Those are our 3 girls."  And then we saw another set of 3 chairs.  He said, "That's Houston, D.J. and our other little boy."

We conversed, and I said I was feeling "Anxious to get our family started again."  Jason replied, intuitively that "Time is only relevant on this earth.  We don't need to feel rushed, because God is PRESERVING OUR BODIES.  They aren't aging like others are.  He is doing this so I could do the work I needed to do.  He reassured me that my body will be healthy to REAR CHILDREN UP TO MY 40's." 
That revelation was given to us almost exactly 11 years ago!  And I remember it frequently.  And I am "waiting patiently on the Lord for Him to FULFILL THAT PROMISE" because I strive to be faithful.

Aug. 1, 2008, I visited my Christ-centered Energy worker.  I asked her about getting pregnant.  She said, I don't need to DO anything to get pregnant at this time, but to think about adopting.  She saw a little blond haired girl who was a toddler that chose me as her Mother, but chose to come to a different Mother first, to affect her.  She's gifted, in humanitarian work, and in healing the world.  She's a very powerful girl, and she chose her place and time of birth.  Get prepared to have her.  

She also taught me to drink red raspberry tea every day for getting pregnant. I drink it everyday.  

Renzulli Learning

I have been very busy lately getting Renzulli Learning up and running for our students and teachers.  Renzulli Learning is an approach to differentiation that starts with the students completing a interest survey called The Renzulli Profiler. This is a simple online tool for conducting individualized strengths-based assessments that identify a student’s interests, learning styles, and expression styles.

The information gathered from the profiler provides the teachers with the knowledge to use the Differentiation Engine, a lesson-planning tool that differentiates over 25,000 Enrichment Activities — automatically. The result is a highly engaging learning environment that empowers students to achieve more in the classroom, and enables schools to attain better academic results.

Teachers are able to group profiled students by their shared strengths and interests and to compile custom reports on those groups. As a result, students help other students to learn more and take on new challenges.

So be on the look out for a printout of your child's profile.  You may find it very interesting to see what is motivating for your child, what his/her interests are, and what is their preferred learning style.  Renzulli Learning has been made available to the school through our SchoolLands Trust funds.  To find Renzulli on the web, go to http://www.renzullilearning.com/default.aspx

NWEA MAP testing is underway!

This week the studetns in all grade K-9 will be demonstrating what they know on the NWEA MAP test.  We have been working ferverishly trying to get everything ready for our first round of assessments.  K-2 will be assessed in Math and Reading, while grades 3-9 will be assessed in Math, Reading, and Language Arts. The students are eager to please and do their very best.

The NWEA MAP is a computer adaptive assessment that targets the students' mastery level according to the Utah state standards.  How it works is the students receive questions based on the standards.  If a student answers the test correctly the computer adjusts the targeted questions to more advanced concepts.  When the student misses the concepts it adjusts down a level to identify what the student has mastered and what he/she has yet to master.  The faculty have found it very interesting to see some of our most gifted students struggle through the test.  With a computer adaptive test, the does not end until a frustration level is met and for some of our students, they are not necessarily used to reaching their frustration level in tests.  It is good to see all our students stretch to demonstrate their individual proficiencies. 

At our upcoming parent/teacher conferences parents will be provided a report indicating the students' scores and what you can do to help raise that score and/or maintain a high level of motivation in continually seeking out learning opportunities each and every day.

For more information regarding NWEA, follow the link http://www.nwea.org/ 

DIBELS

YEAH!!  DIBELS is now completed.  DIBELS is a yearly assessment in that measures reading fluency.  The Dynamic Indicator of Basic Early Literacy Skills is conducted three times per year.  All K-6th grade students will be assessed and their scores will be recorded.  Students will be judged based on a predetermined Benchmark.  Depending upon the number of correct words read per minute, students will be given a intervention status.  The levels of intervention are: Low-risk (meeting basic reading benchmarks), Some Risk (Within a level of confidence that without some intervention the student may drop below benchmark), and At-Risk.  For students in the At-Risk category, teachers are expected to monitor them frequently with intensive interventions to improve the reading fluency levels of the students. 

DIBELS also assesses retell fluency to determine if the student is understanding what it is he/she is reading.  For our youngest students, they are assessed in nonsense word fluency, phoneme segmentation and letter naming fluency.  These skills predict their ability to apply basic phonics in reading unfamiliar words and leter isolation in hearing and manipulating sounds.  Additionally, DIBELS  is widely accepted to determine academic success based on reading fluency.  Although, some students may not be "fast" readers, if they are comprehending what it is they are reading that may be a stronger indicator of success across the subject areas.

Parents will receive a copy of their child(ren)'s DIBELS scores at our next Parent/Teacher conference. This will be helpful for parents to become informed of where their child(ren) are reading in comparison to the grade level benchmarks.  Parent/Teacher conferences are scheduled for November 2,3,and 4.

SIS: Are you using it?

The Student Information System, otherwise known as SIS, is your gateway to seeing how your child is doing in class.  This is one of them most powerful tools a parent can utilize to keep informed.  If you have not yet logged into the SIS system, then you should follow the link https://oquirrh.usoe-dcs.org/Login/. You will prompted to request a log in name.  In order to do this, you will need to have one of your child's student identification number.  If you do not know this number, you can call the main office for your child's number or you can view the number on a hard copy of your child's progress report from your child's teacher.  Once you able to login, you can subscribe to the system and have weekly or daily emails sent to you with a progress report and student summary.  the system also allows you to can update any personal information, add emergency contacts, change email address, etc.  You can also view the progress summary, check grades, and see the proficiency on the state CRT assessments.  As a parent, you should be checking your child's grades weekly in order to remain in the loop and to ensure your child is fulfilling his/her responsibility as a student.

Morning Greeting

Our "Morning Greeting" has quickly become one of the most enjoyable parts of my day.  Each morning beginning around 8:15 to 8:30, Mrs. Olson leads the elementary students through a series of songs and chants that motivate and engage the students . We have a great new school song and the students have learned to sing it with gusto each morning.  We also are focusing on specific aspects of our school mission:  Moral Excellence, Citizenship, and Scholarship.  Each of these "pillars" have specific character traits that we highlight each full week of school.  Students are chosen by their teachers who exemplify the trait of the week.  The students receive a certificate and get their picture taken which is then displayed in the rotunda of the school.

Dr. Cox also imparts his vast knowledge of History by sharing interesting historical facts and events that took place on the particular date of the day.  The faculty and students have really enjoyed learning about "This day in History".  The Jr. High also holds a "Morning Greeting" between first and second period.  It is a great enhancement of each school day.